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Vampires Suck

October 16, 2010

vampires-suck-official-one-sheet Directors: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Writers: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer 
Producer: Peter Safran 
Starring: Jenn Proske/Matt Lanter/Ken Jeong/Anneliese van der Pol 
Year: 2010
Country: US
BBFC Certification: 12
Duration: 86 minutes

Just when you thought they stopped humiliating Hollywood and the movie industry in general, it’s with great difficulty to say that Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedburg are back and this time, their unfunny target is set on none other than the successful book and movie series, Twilight (obviously because it has many fans and is successful) among other movies, television shows and pop references. If they replaced the word ‘Vampire’ to ‘This Movie’ in their movie title, it would be a more suitable title. As many readers on my website know, I do not like Seltzer and Friedburg for destroying the spoof genre single-handed and for making tiring, uninspiring and dumb movies and not realising that they’re unoriginal and just not funny. However, I decided to put my feelings aside and watch this with a clear mind, giving the two out of six writers of Scary Movie (as we are constantly reminded all the time in the trailers since Scary Movie is probably their most successful movie ) a chance and watched the movie. Vampires Suck is just Twilight and The Twilight Saga: New Moon fused together but parodied badly. The actors themselves did a surprisingly decent job depicting their moods and behaviours the way the characters act in Twilight, such as Bella (or Becca as she’s called in the movie) biting her lip and always looking moody and Edward always looking like he needs to go to the toilet in some scenes. The characters are poorly written but you should have expected that and the script is utterly rubbish and the direction is even worse. Yet another pointless and daft movie with little laughs in it.

I had absolutely no expectations for Vampires Suck, even the title made me cringe. I decided to give this a chance and I really wanted to like this, believe me, but the chance was wasted as they went over the top in some scenes. Admittedly, I did laugh at two or three scenes in the movie (yes I counted); two of them are in the trailer above and the other one I did actually laugh at, shock horror! However, it then went on for too long and it was no longer funny. The acting wasn’t too bad but nowhere near good, however Jenn Proske, who plays Becca Crane and Matt Lanter, who plays Edward Sullen, actually did a great job as their characters. They had depicted them quite well to how Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart act as Bella Swan and Edward Cullen in the Twilight movies but unfortunately it wasn’t funny after ten minutes. Also, why Ken Jeong was in this movie will probably be one of 2010’s biggest mysteries, he’s so much better than a Seltzer and Friedburg movie! Unfunny, uninspiring and just plain ridiculous and pointless, Vampires Suck isn’t much different to the other abominations Seltzer and Friedburg have made in the past, however Vampires Suck improves from their previous movies as I did actually laugh so they’re improving a little.

I feel I need to mention that they didn’t actually have any god-awful break dancing scenes nor did they have stupid random objects or animals falling from the sky and squashing any characters in the movie, which is a bit of an improvement and makes it the best movie out of the previous messes they made, but that isn’t really hard to do (I suppose it’s a challenge for them). The movie is quite pointless as all of the best parts of the movie are in the trailer above. I hated the fact that they pointlessly spoiled The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. It’s okay for those who are fans of the books and have read them but what about those who have not read the books and watch the movies? It’s a little inconsiderate so a word of warning to the Twilight movie fans, don’t watch if you don’t want Breaking Dawn spoiled as the plot is totally given away in one particular scene. I can honestly only see three kinds of people who will love this movie: Those who love absolutely anything with Twilight in it, those who love to see Twilight mocked and those who love Seltzer and Friedburg movies. Twilight lovers and haters may like it though as long as they love an overdose of Seltzer and Friedburg ‘humour’ in the mix too. Those who are a fan of Seltzer and Friedburg will definitely enjoy this but for those who hate them, this won’t change your mind. For me, it’s not as awful as their other movies but it is bad and I still think they should give up making these movies. I, along with other people, have been waiting for a movie to parody the Twilight series, unfortunately this is not the movie I was looking for. I’m going to be generous and give this movie a two out of ten because I did laugh and that is an improvement for them to make me laugh but it’s still terrible and I have seen a lot better parodies on YouTube.

2/10

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